Morton Ahput – An Interview

I recently had an opportunity to interview Morton Ahput, the latest member to our little Facebook Community.

From it, I learned that not all Muppet/Puppets are the same and Sesame Street is only the path of the quick and the dead.

Morton Opens up on such subjects as Smoking, Drinking and his close friendship with Yoda. 

I hope you enjoy the interview as much as I did, and watch for his vblog coming soon.

Question - How long have you been away from Sesame Street? What was the nightlife like there and who is the swingingest Muppet in the bars.

I was never on Sesame Street. I am not an entertainer, I am an office drone. I have never had a flair for theatre and drama like all those limp wristed sissies that you, prancing about on TV like a bunch of Kansas City … I work for a living. I work in a soul crushing job, at a soul crushing office, in a soul crushing cubicle processing bills and purchase orders while a company slowly crushes my soul into a fine powder. That being said, Oscar the Grouch can really tie one on. Every so often he gives me a call and we go our carousing all night, getting ripped off of Rumplemintz and nasty tequlia. Mexican sugar squirts he calls it. God, he is one nasty puppet. He hates Cookie Monster by the way. I think Cookie owes him like $250 bucks that he used to buy his smack, and never paid him back. Dude’s pissed.

Question - I notice that you like to two fist drink, booze in one hand...Pepto in the other. What is your favorite type of Booze and do Muppets need hangover remedies like regular people?

As a red blooded American, I am partial to bourbons. Of course I drink it all, but bourbon’s my favorite. Being a tightwad, I like Knob Creek. It’s the working man’s fancy booze. And yes Virginia, even Muppets suffer the next morning. Even more so, because when you try and take some “hair o’ the dog” Rolf gets pissed.

Question - In Muppets the Anthology, it indicates that your Father raised you after your Mother ran off to do the TV Commercial Circuit. What impact did that have on your life and how do you cope when you see your cousin the Snuggle Bear getting all the glory that could be yours?

It pisses me off, seeing puppets on TV whoring themselves for ads. It’s the modern form of the minstrel show. Its blackface for puppets. Its shameful, degrading, and I hate it. I wish that my cousin would get a decent office job and settle down.

Question - Have you ever considered possibly auditioning at the Muppet Theater? If so, what act would you try to incorporate with and if not, why?

I would never do theatre. I am not here to entertain you, I am here to earn a living, have a drink, and perhaps hit on Janice whenever she’s drunk enough (which is ALL THE TIME)
Question - If you were a onetime act at the Muppet theater, what would be contained your Entertainment Rider?
I would never do an act. But if I would, I would have to demand that my show is not taped, never broadcast, and only puppets are allowed into the theatre. I like you as a friend Ed, but I am not here to entertain you. I’d help do your taxes in a heartbeat though.

 

Question - What kind of music are you into?

I have wide ranging tastes, but I am very partial to jazz.

Question - Are you much of a smoker? Is it cigarette, Cigars and/or Pipe (or more illicit substances?)? What is the brand of choice?

I recently burned my hand on a stogie. That is not good when you are made of fabric, fiber fill, and other flammables. But you can’t come between a man and his stogie, so its worth it. A couple of stiches, and I am good as new.

Question - Muppets have played a major roll in entertainment. How did you feel about Lucas Film going to a CGI Yoda in the Prequels vs the Original Trilogy?

Well, you know my feelings about the role that puppets play in entertainment; mostly that we have been exploited and abused for years and finally we are organizing and educating, getting the word out that we are people too dammit. That being said, Yoda is a close friend of mine and he took it personally when ILM laid him off to move to CGI. He took it very hard, and didn’t come out of little hut for almost a month. But he’s doing better. He’s lucky though, he still had a lot of money from his savings, and unlike another certain green sell out, he worked a percentage off the net into his contract. He was able to invest his money into small used car dealership in Sarasota. Good guy. He send me a bottle of scotch every Christmas and I try to stop by whenever I’m in Florida.

Question - What is your favorite color?

Red.

Question - What does the future hold for Morton Ahput?

I am starting a blog http://puppetliberationfront.blogger.com where I can blog about puppet right, and about my thoughts on Puppet Supremacy. Its not that I hate people (well actually I do) but I really think that we need to keep puppo-centric issues on the forefront. And remember, I do not hate individual person. Its people as a whole that need to die.
Oh, and I am going to start a VLOG. Look for it on youtube in the coming weeks