How much PBR before your wear a Bark Collar?

Thanks for posting Alby

This is why you shouldn’t try and steal beer

or at least wear a belt

More than just a cigarette dispenser

I love Archie McPhee products. Not only do they make me laugh out loud, but I can buy them online and I don’t have to go into Cool Stuff in CoMO, where I am accosted by the sales team.

In fact, I have a pack of “Just Like Dad” Candy cigarettes right here on my desk for the follow-up to James’ initial interview.

Definitely check out their site. I make nothing from it, they are not a sponsor….but there is definitely something for the kid in all of us.

Great Job Guys.

Greatest Arcade Game EVER

Do you like driving style arcade games? Do you like Beer? Do you have an extra $6K laying around? Then allow me to introduce the Octane 120 Pro Beer Arcade.

From Fox News-

Who said you can't drink and drive?

Not only does the Octane 120 Beer Arcade Machine ($6,000) support it, it even includes a kegerator behind the rear seat — with a secondary tap in the dash — so you don't have to pull over to get a refill.

Other features include leather wrapping on the fully adjustable, force-feedback steering wheel and on the seat, metal gas, clutch, and brake pedals, a Full HD projector up front, an integrated gaming PC with 200 racing and arcade video games and PS3 connectivity for good measure, a conveniently placed cup holder, and the ability to swerve with impunity.

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2011/04/16/gamers-delight-beer-fueled-arcade-machine/#ixzz1JitGdCeL

Car runs on Bourbon

I admit I LOL

Kentucky Man Invents Car that Runs on Makers Mark

LOUISVILLE - 62 year old Mickey Nilsson of Bardstown Kentucky, finally found a way to make his tinkering hobby pay off. Inspired by the film Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, Nilsson transformed a collection of “junk” into a motor vehicle that does not rely on foreign oil as it’s fuel source. His car is entirely powered by Kentucky Bourbon Whiskey.

“I was always a fan of Caractacus Potts (the Dick Van Dyke character) from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang” said Nilsson. “He was pretty good at re-purposing junk. Always admired that”. Nilsson had his fair share of junk too. Most of it was just rusting when last October he had a knock at his door.

“Them two knuckleheads from that TV show American Pickers (Mike Wolfe and Frank Fritz) stopped by here trying to steal from me. Offering me $200 for my old still. Said I had no use for it since making moonshine was illegal. After that smart-mouthed remark, I shot at em” declared Nilsson. “Although I did sell the chubby one with the beard an old oil can for $40 before they ticked me off.”

The visit did motivate Nilsson. “After I’d run them off, I kept thinking about what they kept saying to me, ‘what are you going to do with all this stuff, you might as well sell it to us’. Well that left me pondering. Folks around these parts do a lot of pondering, so it wasn’t really nothing new for me as I ponder about something almost everyday. But this time my pondering gave me an idea, watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang.”

Inspired and motivated by the film, Nilsson spent the next 6 months, in his workshop turning his one-time still and collection of junk into a whiskey sipping motor vehicle. “The car will run on almost any bourbon, but she really purrs on Maker’s Mark” said Nilsson.

With Maker’s Mark currently at an average selling price of $24 a fifth it’s likely most owners of the new vehicle would fill her up with Old Crow or even Old Grand Dad. Either way, it’s still a pricier fuel option, but before long it may be a bargain. Gasoline prices have been skyrocketing, jumping 50% in the past year. This week the cost for regular gas eclipsed milk and the popular Arnold Palmer Iced Tea-Lemonade beverage per gallon.

The Obama administration has recognized Nilsson’s achievement as “the type of ingenuity that makes this country great. With brilliant minds such as Mr. Nilsson at work, we will soon purge our dependence on the middle east for oil”. But they cautioned our nation still has a large number of winos so securing access to the fuel tanks on these vehicles will be essential, especially in certain urban neighborhoods.

A deal to produce a consumer version of the Nilsson concept car was brokered Wednesday with automobile manufacturer Nissan. Nissan expects to release the vehicle to the public by 2014. Currently referred to as the Nissan Nilsson, several names are being considered for the new model. The Nissan Alky, the Lush or the sporty sounding Inebriator.

Nissan hopes to add a new feature to this model that will incorporate a breathalyzer that will actually generate a small fuel reserve for drunk drivers who run out of gas, ah um, bourbon.

http://www.thedailyload.com/2011/04/kentucky-man-invents-car-that-runs-on-bourbon/

Doesn’t anyone proofread anymore?

I make mistakes in spelling and grammar.  Everyone does (except Debi…just ask her), but today’s headline in the News Observer is pretty glaring.

I’ve placed a screenshot below, because eventually someone at the paper will realize their error and change it. 

Look out for Drunk Drinking…….it’s a madhouse…..A MADHOUSE!

 

http://www.newsobserver.com/2011/03/14/1053426/nc-safety-officials-warn-against.html

A Partridge in a DUI

I don’t know if you are watching Celebrity Apprentice this year or not, but so far it’s been pretty funny.

I admit I love trainwrecks, and this year they have Gary Busey on the show…..and to be honest, he needs a show all his own.  He is classic throughout the first episode, and I only hope he can maintain (stay alive) through the rest of the show.

But that is not the subject of today’s post.  Instead, we are focusing on David Cassidy and Richard Hatch.  David is the well known childhood star of the Partridge Family and Richard was the very first winner of Survivor.

During the show, Richard Hatch is the project leader for the men team….and lets just say he is a little overbearing.  Considering they call themselves “Team Backbone” and David has none…..you can guess where this is going.

At first, I thought Hatch was just being a dick, why would he pick on this guy.  That is until today, when I saw David Cassidy’s DUI Bust. 

Here it is for your enjoyment

Vodka + Man + Sheet of Ice = Bad News

 

I just imagine him singing “Two Turntables and a Microphone” the whole time he is floating out to sea.

Man sets sail on ice sheet with only vodka bottle for company
Read more

The 23-year-old was spotted by coastguards as he floated past them off the coast of Gdansk, Poland.

Mr Kawolski had been drinking with friends when, naturally, he decided it would be a good idea to test the strength of the ice that was forming on the shoreline of the Baltic Sea.

One of Mr Kawolski's drinking pals said: 'We dared him to do it and it seemed like a good idea.

'There was a loud crack and then he started to float away.

'We thought it was funny at first but then he started to scream for help.'

The powerful currents pulled him about a kilometre out to sea.  

A rather shaken Mr Kawolski was taken to hospital where he stayed overnight to be treated for hypothermia.

Following the ordeal Mr Kawolski said: 'Well, I won't be doing that again.'

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/857377-man-sets-sail-on-ice-sheet-with-only-vodka-bottle-for-company#ixzz1G18yMsZX

The Flinstones and Busch Beer

I knew of the “Banned” Flinstones cartoons where they pitched Winston Cigarettes, but I never knew they did beer too.

Here are two FULL Cartoons that were sponsored by Busch….this would never fly today.

Cheers

 

Survival Drinking- Coffeepot Beer

It’s actually pretty amazing the odd stuff I run across at 1AM in the morning, and this time I came across an interesting article at Southern Fried Science.

In the article, they describe being on an oceanographic research vessel, and during the long stay at sea….running out of alcohol.

They then go into detail on how to brew beer using ingredients found onboard and a coffee maker.  This is actually pretty ingenious and, even though I am listing the basic steps below, I highly recommend you check out their website for the backstory and full details.

1. Grind up your ‘grains’ (but not so much that it becomes powder).
2. Place your ‘grains’ in coffee pot (not the filter basket, the carafe).
3. Run 2 cups of clean water through coffee maker and let it sit on the hot plate for an hour. This releases all the good chemicals from you ‘grains’ and creates a fluid called wort.
4. Strain the wort through the coffee filter and place the filter full of ‘grain’ into the filter basket. Add the ‘malt’ to the filter basket. Pour the strained liquid back into coffee maker and add 1 cup of water.
5. Run the wort through the coffee maker 5 times, each time adding 1 cup of water.
6. Pour the wort into the saucepan and boil for 45 minutes. Two minutes before boiling is done, add the hops.
7. Carefully pour the wort into the canning jars.
8. Let the wort cool to between 60 and 70 F. Once it is cool enough to touch the outside of the jars without burning, pitched the Bakers’ Yeast into the mixture.
9. Seal jar with a handkerchief and rubber band over the mouth, and let sit for 3 to 5 days.
10. And table spoon of sugar to the jar and seal with the lids, making sure they’re air tight.
11. Store in a cool, dark place where it will not be disturbed for a week

What do you get when you cross the KKK with Bud?

Why a fight over who gets to drink “The Good Beer” of course.

I was originally going to run this story in conjunction with the Asian Snake Wine, because these guys look like a couple of snake handlers….but SADLY that didn’t happen.

So enjoy the story (and mugshot).

 

A fight over who gets to drink the "good beer" led to the arrest of a former Ku Klux Klan leader and his son in rural east Osceola County, the Sheriff's Office said.
Troy Hixon, 45, his girlfriend, another woman and his father, George Hixon, 73, were drinking Wednesday night when Troy Hixon threw his girlfriend down and began shooting into the ground near her, a sheriff's report states.
George Hixon served time in federal prison in the late 1980s for possessing an unregistered machine gun. When drug agents searched his home at the time, they found evidence that he was a leader of the Ku Klux Klan in Osceola County, they said at the time.
Troy Hixon's girlfriend, whose name was not released, told deputies that an argument began after she complained that she was forced to drink cheap beer while the men drank "good beer" — Budweiser, according to the report. She also said someone poured beer on her while she was on the ground, and she heard a can crumple.

The girlfriend then changed her story, claiming nothing had happened. She told deputies she was afraid that if her boyfriend went to jail, he would be angry at her and they might fall further behind on the rent and be evicted. Father and son live on adjoining pieces of property in rural St. Cloud Manor, southeast of St. Cloud. The Osceola County Property Appraiser's Office lists the 7-acre tract as vacant other than sheds and a fence, but the men are thought to live in mobile homes, the Sheriff's Office said.
Troy Hixon told a deputy that he "did the 'redneck' thing" and shot holes in a trash can full of water so it could drain, the deputy wrote. He told another deputy that he shot two rounds into the can to prove the gun worked. A man wanted to buy it but changed his mind because of the $500 price, Hixon told deputies.
"Troy was extremely angry and yelling and screaming," an investigator wrote.
While deputies were trying to arrest Hixon, his father began threatening to hurt them, they said. George Hixon tried to go inside his home to get a gun and was arrested on a charge of making threats toward public officials, the report states. Troy Hixon was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill, displaying a firearm during a felony and battery. Both were held at the Osceola County Jail.
George Hixon was sentenced in 1988 to six months in federal prison for possessing an unregistered machine gun. He had been charged with five weapons violations, including possessing a silencer.
When agents from the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms searched his home in June 1987 looking for drugs — none were found — they discovered documents identifying Hixon as "exalted cyclops," or leader of the Osceola branch of United Klans of America, they said at the time. They also found 37 weapons, including four unregistered machine guns. Among them were a Chinese AK-47 and an American military M-16.
A federal judge gave Hixon a lenient sentence after a minister, a former City Council member, businessmen and an ex- Florida Supreme Court justice testified and wrote letters on his behalf, Orlando Sentinel reports show. He was released from prison in March 1989.
George Hixon is a contractor and carpenter who formerly owned a trucking and auto-salvage company. He also once ran an investment company out of his home. In 2008, he incorporated a nonprofit called Decision for Christ that bought and shipped goods to missionaries, state documents show. The charity was dissolved in September.
Troy Hixon was formerly affiliated with a tile business.

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/crime/os-beer-fight-hixon-arrest-20101223,0,6061583.story

A few gift ideas from Smokes and Booze

Here at Smokes and Booze we try to be a public service vs a public nuisance (emphasis on the word TRY).  So, here are a few things I saw on the net that you might still be able to get for under the tree this year.  I get NO kickbacks from any of these, so feel free to ridicule them as much as you want.

Cheers-

 

First we have the Christmas Drinking gloves.  I’m not overly fond of the fingerless look…but they are festive.

At $5.99 each, not a BAD stocking stuffer…but you could get mini-bottles and enjoy it more

 

 

Next on our Christmas S&B List this year, we have the Book Flask.  While cumbersome and not very tote friendly, they definitely make up for it by having the inscription of “Cogito Sumere Potum Alterum” (Latin for “I think I’ll have another drink”) on the spine.  $19.95 seems a little steep (especially since there is no booze included), so I think there are better products on the market.

I personally prefer the hidden bottle of Pyrat Rum in the book promo that was done a few years ago.  We got one and I still laugh at the look….it actually has the “Feel” of a book and would probably fool 25% of views as opposed to the 2% on the Book Flask.

Now I really like this one, not because it has a great name (The WineRack ) or involves boobs (Who Like Boobies?  Charlie Waffles) …but it really is ingenious.  Capable of holding a bottle of wine or a 5th of liquor, not only can you smuggle in booze….but you can have a fuller figure.  Win Win.  Although a little pricey at $29.95 (and currently out of stock), I still think this is a great idea….unless you are trying to get through TSA, who’s gonna pat you there when going through Security?

Honestly though…if you are looking for that something special for the boozer in your life, you can’t go wrong with anything from the Guinness Store.  I’ve bought from them in the past (Including during mine and Debi’s first Christmas) and customer service was excellent.

Smokes and Booze Christmas

 

Ok everyone….I know it’s been awhile since I posted.  After my Amsterdam trip, I was back into London for a Corp. Strategy Meeting.  Talk about making me want to drink.  But at least I got to drink some Cobra again (Review HERE) and I have a new review coming out (London Pride).

Anyway, I should be back in the saddle again until my Berlin trip in January, to be followed by KC in Feb and LA in March.  None of these trips will be as demanding, so I should be able to continue to post.

So to kick off the few days left before Christmas, I’ve found some videos for everyone to enjoy……Starting with Bob and Doug.

Bob and Doug McKenzie singing the 12 Days of Christmas will always be a staple of my childhood memories.  Who can forget riding Bus 21 with Jeanie Larkey and or Bus 9 with Jim Barnes and this song coming on.  It was Pure 80’s…..and is (IMO) the 2nd greatest Christmas song ever.  What’s number 1?  You’ll just have to tune in later to find out….but until then, enjoy these two drunk Canadians (I’ve posted about them before) and the other videos below.

 

How about some vintage smoking commercials for Christmas while we are at it?  I love the blatant commercialism of the first two (Camel and Lucky Strike), where they even leverage that the boxes have Christmas decorations.  Awesome.  The Dutch masters is just classic.

 

Meanwhile, Jack Daniels goes a more tasteful route….bringing Christmas to Lynchburg.

How about a Japanese Gin (Suntory) Commercial?  That’s what I thought too….and the tune is catchy….in a satanic, load a gun and start greasing people sort of way.  Leave it to them.

Finally, leave it to the true artists at St. James Gate….where only Guinness can create something so subtle.  You can almost imagine everyone going home and pouring a pint of the black, sitting in front of a fire and relaxing.  Merry Christmas.

Classic Johnny Carson (Ed McMahon)

I know some of you younger whipper snappers have only grown up with cable/satellite TV.  When I was younger, there were only 3-5 stations: ABC, NBC and CBS…..plus an independent (we had Channel 55) and/or PBS if you were lucky.

Anyway, they had a captive audience then…and programming was much better.  Case in point, Johnny Carson.  Forget Leno & Letterman, who cares about The Daily Show or Jimmy Kimmel…back in the day, Carson was KING.  His shows were funny from start to finish….and it was a special thing to be able to stay up and watch him with my Dad after the evening news.

Here is a classic clip featuring Ed McMahon…..

Star Wars PSAs

I was a really big Star Wars fan as a kid.  Still am.  The prequels had their moments, although some of it was killed for me then (a pox on you JarJar)….the rereleases also had some good and bad.  I remember a time when you couldn’t watch an hour of TV without something from Star Wars being run out in front of you…..including these two PSAs -

The first is pretty funny….a droid smoking.  What was Lucas thinking?  Oh wait, I’m sure he got a big tax write-off for that one.  The second looks like they just used cut footage and then suited a few guys up for the end….add voiceover and there you have it, a commercial.

In reality, if you are going to have a PSA….you need to do it like this-

Beer saves woman at Baseball Game

Beer…..is there anything it can’t do?

 

Whiskey PC

So, who amongst us doesn’t have an empty whiskey bottle laying around?

Well, according to this article, you can turn that bottle into a modified Server Case.

Considering the story is from 2006…I bet you could really cut down on heating by eliminating the HD and running a Linux Kernel off of a USB Stick.

Simon even suggested doing liquid cooling to make it look like a full bottle.  The ideas are endless.

Still a great MOD and definitely something funny to have on your desk.

Reader Submissions

I know there have been few updates lately.  I have a big meeting coming up next week and I have really been busy prepping for the event (it’s a week long), so something had to give…..and in the case, it was Blog.

So, to open things back up, I have a few reader submissions-

From Chris

Got any suggestions for a non-smoker to start on? Reading these descriptions it sounds like there an aerosolized version of the coffee I roast!

Ed- Chris, I am not a big smoker of the flavored cigars.  One thing I have heard is that the oils for the flavoring can seep into your humidor and either ruin it or leave a lingering scent (tainting your other cigars).  A common practice is using glass humidors for them, and keeping them separated.  All this being said, Randy (from MySideoftheBar) had a recommendation for the cigar his wife likes, the Elevation Flavored Hazelnut Coffee Churchill (found HERE)

 

From Brian -

May want this for your blog...”Worlds Strongest ale” comes in eye-catching dead animal bottles

Ed- WOW.  What is not to like here, aside from the £500 price?  At 55% and stuffed in squirrels, this would definitely be the ultimate Christmas present.  Imagine the excitement when your significant other unwraps this.  Still a little pricey, but next trip to the UK might have me looking for it.

From Jeremy C. – Worlds oldest Champagne found

Ed- While amazing that the Champagne survived this long at the bottom of the Baltic Sea, what I love about this story is that the diver said screw history and opened one and drank it when they returned to the surface.  While this could have cost him an estimated $70K, it didn’t matter…he did what any self respecting Boozer would have.  My hat is off to you sir.

Also from Jeremy C.- A Facebook Link to McMillan’s Irish Pub, where they sell Guinness and Bass to you right at the table.

Finally, from Gary – 6 Most surprising ways that alcohol is good for you

Thanks to everyone that submitted, keep them coming.  Also, it shows you guys read this and miss me when I actually have to do work :P

Until next week.  Cheers.

Sumo Suit, Lesbians and a Smirnoff Ice Bottle….

 

Sometimes, the headlines write themselves.

Police: Woman in Sumo Suit Attacks Ex with Smirnoff Ice for Flirting

Updated: Friday, 25 Jun 2010, 11:06 AM EDT
Published : Friday, 25 Jun 2010, 11:04 AM EDT

(CANVAS STAFF REPORTS) - Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Especially if that woman is suited up in a bulky sumo wrestling costume and armed with a glass bottle, and she just spotted her ex-lover trying to chat up a man dressed as a giant candy bar.

One woman learned that lesson the hard way when she was bludgeoned by her jilted Irish ex-girlfriend with a Smirnoff Ice bottle and jostled her with a sumo wrestling suit for flirting with a man dressed as a Snickers bar, according to reports.

A Dublin court convicted Sandra Talbot, 32, of assault in connection with a surreal melee that left her former lover Adrienne Martin with a large bump on the side of her head, the Evening Herald reports.

The incident began when Talbot literally bumped into Martin with her with the inflatable girth of her sumo suit during a 2008 Halloween party at one of Dublin's city's best-known gay bars,

The former couple, who had broken up following a tumultuous three-year relationship, exchanged a few angry words. Talbot flew into a fit of rage when Martin began waving at a man dressed as a Snickers bar, eventually striking her on the side of her head with a Smirnoff Ice bottle she had apparently hidden in the sleeve of her costume, according to reports.

Pub workers tried to escort Talbot out of the bar, but first she had to partially deflate her bulky costume so she could fit out of the door, the paper reports.

The court fined €400 ($490) for the assault, which Martin said has left her suffering panic attacks.

For her part, Talbot told the Evening Herald that she wants to move on with her life and concentrate on fulfilling her career dream of becoming a tattoo artist. She denied the allegations, and claimed her ex had "ruined her life."

"I had a big row with her but I didn't touch her," said Talbot.

What was he thinking?????

 

Drunk and Charity seem to go well together.  Buy a man a drink, charity golf….even walking out of a bar and emptying your pockets for a panhandler. 

BUT- Drunk, Charity and Body Waxing……..there is no way in hell.  See Below.

Man Nearly Loses Testicle in Tragic Waxing Accident

 

(June 17) -- The only man with enough balls to take part in a British body waxing fundraiser nearly lost his.
Joe Cooper, 24, is recovering from a horrific grooming accident on June 5 that nearly cost him his testicle.
The construction worker and several pals agreed to take part in a hospital charity drive at a Leicester pub in which bar-goers bid for the chance to rip off strips of the participants' body hair. But once the event got started, many of the would-be volunteers bailed.
"There were a few of us doing it, and two blokes wimped out, but I said I'd have it done," said Cooper, who, according to the Daily Mail, was the only participant man enough to have his "back, sack and crack" waxed for charity.
"I lay down and closed my eyes, and the next thing I know, I'm in horrendous pain and bleeding," he told the tabloid.
According to reports, an overly enthusiastic friend tugged too hard on a wax strip and yanked off eight inches of skin from Cooper's body, starting on his inner thigh.
The rip reportedly stripped Cooper of six of his seven layers of skin, and came within half an inch of costing him his right testicle.
Though Cooper started the night taking part in a fundraiser that netted about $4,400 for the children's ward of the Leicester Royal Infirmary, he was the one who needed medical attention by the end of the evening.
"You can imagine how much everyone was laughing at me," he said. "It was ironic. I was meant to be helping them -- and they ended up helping me. They told me if any more skin had come off, that would have been it. I was very lucky, really."
Cooper says he's still in pain and is taking antibiotics to stave off any infection.
"I just hope people will sponsor me more now -- because I'm still hurting," he said.