Time to get your Geek On

Not often do I get to write about (almost) all my passions at once, nor (potentially) stump Charlie on Music Trivia…..but today I do, with 80’s Music (Information Society), Smokes and Technology…plus a little intrigue.

For you young kids, before the days of digital media, music was played on a thing called RECORDS, and one of the nifty things bands did was trying an insert secret messages into their music….usually through Back-Masking.

Information Society took it one step further, and add a TON of Geek to it.  They hid a text message on a vinyl record. 

The Track is called "300bps N, 8, 1” from their Peace and Love Inc Album and I’m sure very few listeners back in the day understood what they were hearing (unless they watched the movie Wargames), as it would be a series of squelches, squeaks and wails.  But in reality….it was a message that would do ET proud.

If you take a standard modem, configure it with those settings  ( 300bps N, 8, 1 (Terminal Mode or Ascii Download), dial into it via phone and play the track from the album into the receiver, you'll end up with a plaintext file detailing a story that come right out of James Bond (or Bill and Ted).

Here is the text-

ats0=0
OK
atdt4921507
RINGING

RINGING

CONNECT

   SO WE'RE SUPPOSED TO PLAY IN CURITIBA IN 18 HOURS, BUT OUR BUS IS BEING HELD HOSTAGE BY THE LOCAL PROMOTERS. THEY'VE FORMED SOME UNHOLY ALLIANCE WITH THE BRAZILIAN COUNTERPART OF ASCAP; THE PRS. APPARANTLY THE PRS HAS THE LEGAL POWER TO ARREST PEOPLE, AND THEY WANT A PIECE OF THE NATIONAL TOUR PROMOTER'S MONEY. THE LOCAL SECURITY FORCE, "GANG MEXICANA", HAS BEEN BOUGHT OUT FOR 1800 CRUZADOS AND A CARTON OF MARLBOROS EACH. THE ONLY FACTION STILL OPERATING IN OUR DEFENSE IS "BIG JOHN", OUR PERSONAL SECURITY MAN, AND HE'S HIDING IN HIS ROOM BECAUSE A LOCAL GANG IS OUT FOR HIS BLOOD BECAUSE OF A 1982 KNIFING INCIDENT IN WHICH HE WAS INVOLVED. OUR 345-POUND ROAD MANAGER, RICK ONLY HAD THIS TO SAY: "YOU WANTED THE LIFE OF A ROCK STAR!". PAUL, JIM AND I REALIZED THAT THIS WAS ONE SITUATION WE WERE GOING TO HAVE TO GET OUT OF OURSELVES.

   WE CONVENED A HASTY CONFERENCE IN THE NOVOTEL LOBBY. PAUL SUGGESTED CONTACT- ING OUR NATIONAL TOUR PROMOTER IN SAO PAULO, BUT WE REMEMBERED THAT HE WAS IN RECIFE WITH FAITH NO MORE, WHO HAD JUST ARRIVED FOR THEIR BRAZILIAN TOUR. WE THOUGHT ABOUT CONTACTING OUR BRAZILIAN RECORD COMPANY IN RIO, BUT THEY WEREN'T HOME. OUR EVER-DILIGENT AMERICAN MANAGER WAS ARRANGING HELP OF NUMEROUS FORMS, BUT HE WAS IN NEW YORK, AND JUST TOO FAR AWAY TO GET ANYTHING MOVING IN TIME.

   AND THERE WERE 6000 KIDS IN CURITIBA WHO JUST WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND.

   WE KNEW IT WAS TIME FOR ACTION. PAUL WENT UP TO THE PRS GUYS AND INVITED THEM INTO THE BAR TO DISCUSS IT LIKE CIVILIZED MEN OVER A FEW BRAZILIAN DRINKS, OFFERING EACH OF THEM A CIGAR ON HIS WAY. THE AMUSED PRS HEAVIES SEEMED TO LIKE THE IDEA OF A FEW FREE DRINKS, EVEN IF THEY KNEW THEY WOULD NEVER GIVE US OUR BUS BACK. WHEN PAUL WINKED AT JIM AND I ON HIS WAY IN, WE WENT INTO ACTION.

   I STOLE OFF TO MY ROOM TO PREPARE WHILE JIM WENT INTO ACTION. CREEPING CAREFULLY THROUGH A SERVICE DUCT, HE MANAGED TO GAIN A VANTAGE POINT SOME THREE METERS ABOVE THE BUS, AND DROPPED CAREFULLY ONTO THE ROOF. AFTER USING HIS ALL-PURPOSE SWISS ARMY KNIFE (AFFECTIONATELY KNOWN AS THE "SKIT KNIFE") TO JIMMY OPEN THE ROOF HATCH, HE WENT THROUGH THE DARKENED INSIDE OF THE BUS AND REMOVED THE INSIDE ENGINE SERVICE PANEL. USING SOME SPARE ELECTRONIC PARTS HE FOUND WHILE ON AN ISLAND IN THE AMAZON, HE WIRED THE ENTIRE BUS FOR REMOTE CONTROL, NOT UNLIKE A REMOTE CONTROL TOY CAR.

   AT THIS POINT, HE ASKED HIMSELF "NOW HOW SHALL I GET OUT OF HERE?!?"

   PAUL WAS HAVING DIFFICULTIES OF HIS OWN.

   "COULDN'T YOU SEE YOUR WAY CLEAR TO LETTING US FULFILL OUR CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATIONS IN CURITIBA? THINK OF THE KIDS!"

   THROUGH OUR TRANSLATOR, FABIO, THE PRS MAN, ALDO, SAID;

   "NO. YOU AMERICANS THINK YOU OWN THE WORLD. HAH! WE'LL BURN DOWN OUR RAIN FOREST IF WE DAMN WELL PLEASE. WE NEED ROOM FOR COWS!! WE WANT A MACDONALD'S ON EVERY... OH, SORRY, YES ANYWAY, NO. WE NEED 40% OF YOUR CONCERT RECEIPTS TO GIVE TO DAVID BOWIE." HE SAID, WINKING TO THE LOCAL PROMOTER, PHILLIPE.

   AS PAUL CONTINUED THIS ELABORATE DISTRACTION, JIM EFFECTED AN ESCAPE FROM THE HEAVILY GUARDED BUS BY CRAWLING DOWN INTO THE CARGO BAY, CUTTING A HOLE IN THE FLOOR WITH THE SWISS ARMY KNIFE'S ARC-WELDER, SLIPPING INTO THE MANHOLE COVER SITUATED UNDER THE BUS, AND WALKING UP INTO THE HOTEL'S BASEMENT FROM THERE. JIM CALLED UP TO ME IN MY ROOM AND GAVE THE SIGNAL. WE WERE NOW TO MEET AT THE BACK ENTRANCE, WITH OUR TECH GUYS. BUT FIRST, PAUL WOULD NEED SOME HELP GETTING AWAY FROM HIS UNWELCOME GUESTS, AS THINGS WERE GETTING UGLY.

   "HE SAYS HE HAS LOST HIS PATIENCE, AND THAT HE CAN THINK OF OTHER WAYS OF EXACTING PAYMENT FROM YOU KURT AND JIM PHYSICALLY." OUR TREMBLING INTERPRETER SAID.

   THE MOMENT HAD COME. JIM BEGAN OPERATING THE BUS FROM HIS BACK ENTRANCE VANTAGE POINT. AS THE REMOTE-CONTROLLED BUS LURCHED TOWARDS THE PARKING LOT EXIT, THE SUPERSTITIOUS SECURITY YOUTHS FLED IN TERROR. PAUL WAS PULLING ANXIOUSLY ON HIS COLLAR AS THE PRS MAN BEGAN DESCRIBING HIS COLLECTION OF WORLD WAR II NAZI CERIMONIAL KNIVES WHEN A SUDDEN CRASH SPLIT THE TABLEAU.

   JIM HAD PURCHASED ME THE GIFT OF A COMPLETE BLACK NINJA STEALTH ASSASSIN OUTFIT IN ARACAJU. I HAD BEEN GEARING UP AND CRAWLING THROUGH THE AIR CONDITIONING DUCTS ALL THIS TIME. AS I CRASHED THROUGH THE CHEAP IMITATION-STYROFOAM HUNG CEILING TILES, SKATES FIRST, I FLASHED NINJA STARS ALL ABOUT ME. IN THE ENSUING PANIC, PAUL ESCAPED TO THE PRE-ARRANGED BUS PICK-UP POINT. UNFORTUNATLEY, MY SKATES WERE A POOR CHOICE OF FOOT GEAR FOR ESCAPING OVER THE BROKEN GLASS. OF THE TABLE I HAD LANDED ON. WERE IT NOT FOR THE CONFUSION AND THE NINJA-STAR-INFLICTED WOUNDS DELIVERED TO THE BAD GUYS, I WOULD HAVE BEEN SET UPON WHILE FOUNDERING ON THE GLASS-STREWN CARPET. AS IT HAPPENED, HOWEVER, I LEAPT THROUGH THE OPEN DOOR OF THE CAREENING BUS AS IT DEPARTED THE CITY OF MARINGA FOREVER.

   IF ONLY WE HAD MANAGED TO GET OUR EQUIPMENT IN THE BUS, TOO . . .

   EVERY WORD OF THIS STORY IS TRUE.

                                                           - KURT HARLAND

NO CARRIER

Maybe he was lonely

 

I’ve heard of the Chewbacce defense, but the Goat Defense?

Drunk driver: I am escorting my lonely goat on a date, officer

The 54-year-old driver - who was three times over the drink drive limit - claimed his goat had been 'lonely' and he'd been to a friend's farm in Kretzyn, Poland, to meet a female goat.

'They had had a few vodkas to break the ice and then some more to celebrate and by the the time he left with his now not so lonely goat he was very drunk,' said one officer.

'He was very sorry but he was a danger to other drivers. He's lost his licence and he may well go to prison for a while,' he added.

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/851950-drunk-driver-i-am-escorting-my-lonely-goat-on-a-date-officer#ixzz1Ae2bZNgw

Read more: http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/851950-drunk-driver-i-am-escorting-my-lonely-goat-on-a-date-officer#ixzz1Ae2XTgWb

Rock Hudson and Bea Arthur sing about drugs. A whole hell of a lot of drugs

Tony-winner Bea Arthur, joined forces with Oscar-winner Rock Hudson in her 1979 Emmy-nominated TV special to belt out a show tune about coke, meth and weed.

"Ev'rybody Today Is Turning On" was from the Broadway musical "I Love My Wife," which Bea's then-husband Gene Saks directed.

Probably the greatest invention EVER

We’ve all been there, and you know it’s true.

You go to a bar, buy a round of beer, carry it back to the table and notice that one of the glasses is lower than the other.  USUALLY, as the buyer, you take that beer for yourself and think….it’s cant be that much…..RIGHT?

Well, wrong.  And this is proven by a great invention called “The Beer Gauge”.

Invented by Chris Holloway and marketed under the tagline of “Don’t get short poured again at a bar”, the Beer Guage is a credit card sized device that measures from the top of a pint glass and tell you what percentage of the beer is missing….often with surprising results.

At the website, Chris get’s into the theory, and I particularly like how he points out in Europe that all the glasses have a specific line they must fill too.  This is so true and something I have felt the US should  have been doing since 1776.  Even the German Maas Glass served at fests SHOULD be served up the the band at the top (although I still remember the commotion I started with Connie and Mike when I sent one back at Oktoberfest). 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is probably the best drinking invention I have seen in a long time and it gets 1000% of the Smokes and Booze endorsement.  I’ve ordered mine today….and you should too.

What do you get when you cross the KKK with Bud?

Why a fight over who gets to drink “The Good Beer” of course.

I was originally going to run this story in conjunction with the Asian Snake Wine, because these guys look like a couple of snake handlers….but SADLY that didn’t happen.

So enjoy the story (and mugshot).

 

A fight over who gets to drink the "good beer" led to the arrest of a former Ku Klux Klan leader and his son in rural east Osceola County, the Sheriff's Office said.
Troy Hixon, 45, his girlfriend, another woman and his father, George Hixon, 73, were drinking Wednesday night when Troy Hixon threw his girlfriend down and began shooting into the ground near her, a sheriff's report states.
George Hixon served time in federal prison in the late 1980s for possessing an unregistered machine gun. When drug agents searched his home at the time, they found evidence that he was a leader of the Ku Klux Klan in Osceola County, they said at the time.
Troy Hixon's girlfriend, whose name was not released, told deputies that an argument began after she complained that she was forced to drink cheap beer while the men drank "good beer" — Budweiser, according to the report. She also said someone poured beer on her while she was on the ground, and she heard a can crumple.

The girlfriend then changed her story, claiming nothing had happened. She told deputies she was afraid that if her boyfriend went to jail, he would be angry at her and they might fall further behind on the rent and be evicted. Father and son live on adjoining pieces of property in rural St. Cloud Manor, southeast of St. Cloud. The Osceola County Property Appraiser's Office lists the 7-acre tract as vacant other than sheds and a fence, but the men are thought to live in mobile homes, the Sheriff's Office said.
Troy Hixon told a deputy that he "did the 'redneck' thing" and shot holes in a trash can full of water so it could drain, the deputy wrote. He told another deputy that he shot two rounds into the can to prove the gun worked. A man wanted to buy it but changed his mind because of the $500 price, Hixon told deputies.
"Troy was extremely angry and yelling and screaming," an investigator wrote.
While deputies were trying to arrest Hixon, his father began threatening to hurt them, they said. George Hixon tried to go inside his home to get a gun and was arrested on a charge of making threats toward public officials, the report states. Troy Hixon was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill, displaying a firearm during a felony and battery. Both were held at the Osceola County Jail.
George Hixon was sentenced in 1988 to six months in federal prison for possessing an unregistered machine gun. He had been charged with five weapons violations, including possessing a silencer.
When agents from the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms searched his home in June 1987 looking for drugs — none were found — they discovered documents identifying Hixon as "exalted cyclops," or leader of the Osceola branch of United Klans of America, they said at the time. They also found 37 weapons, including four unregistered machine guns. Among them were a Chinese AK-47 and an American military M-16.
A federal judge gave Hixon a lenient sentence after a minister, a former City Council member, businessmen and an ex- Florida Supreme Court justice testified and wrote letters on his behalf, Orlando Sentinel reports show. He was released from prison in March 1989.
George Hixon is a contractor and carpenter who formerly owned a trucking and auto-salvage company. He also once ran an investment company out of his home. In 2008, he incorporated a nonprofit called Decision for Christ that bought and shipped goods to missionaries, state documents show. The charity was dissolved in September.
Troy Hixon was formerly affiliated with a tile business.

http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/crime/os-beer-fight-hixon-arrest-20101223,0,6061583.story

I New Year’s Feel Good Story

Did you honestly think we would get out of the NY without a “feel good” story such as this…..I think I would take a chance with the coffin nails vs the rock up side the head -

Report: Wife 'snaps,' beats husband with rock for smoking when he was sick

CALLAWAY — A woman was arrested Wednesday morning for beating her husband with a rock, claiming she didn’t want him to smoke a cigarette because of his poor health.

“A woman can only take so much,” she told a deputy.

According to a Bay County Sheriff’s Office incident report, the couple’s 18-year-old daughter called 9-1-1 about 11:31 a.m. Wednesday when she saw her mother beating her father with a rock.

A deputy said that, when they arrived at the scene off North Lakewood Drive, he saw the victim sitting “Indian fashion” on the ground in front of the residence; he was hunched over with his hands over his head, trying to protect himself. His wife was standing behind him. She kicked him in the hip and was using a rock to hit him in the head, the report said.

A deputy told the 41-year-old woman to get off her husband a few times, but she continued to strike him and scream at him, telling him “to give her the cigarettes,” the report said.

The man, age 51, had cuts and bruises, including a bleeding laceration on the top of his right wrist, the report said.

Both husband and wife told deputies they had been suffering with the flu recently and had not felt well. The night before, they got into an argument and the woman scratched her husband’s face, the report said. When he mentioned going outside to smoke a cigarette that morning, the wife became angry and told him “he did not need to be smoking since he is sick,” according to the report.

She followed him outside and began to argue with him, then jumped on him and began hitting him in the head with “a small ceramic bird,” the report said. She grabbed other items to hit him, finally picking up a rock.

The man refused treatment by EMS. He said “he knew how to take care of himself,” the report said.

The woman was charged with aggravated battery domestic violence. She said she had been dealing with “a lot of (expletive)” for some time and “a woman can only take so much,” the report said.

She said she was upset because he had the flu and she told him not to smoke, but he went outside and smoked anyway. She added, “A person can only take so much before they snap,” the report said.

Told what she was being charged with, she responded, “Yeah, I hit him with the rock,” according to the report.

The rock was submitted into evidence.

Only in Texas

Man, there are some things that just amaze me about the human race…….today is a perfect example.  You know when the State Fair of Texas announces 2010 Fried Food Awards and for two of them you need ID and to be over 21….something cool is afoot.

We have a large contingent of readers in Texas….and I would put together a prize if someone sampled/reviewed (with pictures) the Deep Fried Margarita and Fried Beer.  Email me at edbellmcse@gmail. or ping me on FB if you want to undertake this task.

State Fair of Texas announces 2010 Sixth Annual Big Tex Choice fried food awards

The finalists for the 2010 Big Tex Choice Awards are:

Big Tex Choice Awards finalists

Deep Fried S’mores Pop•Tart – Pop•Tart with a sensational chocolate, peanut butter, s’mores flavor is lightly battered and deep fried. Hot out of the fryer, the sinfully diet-busting treat is drizzled with chocolate syrup and topped with whipped cream.

Deep Fried Frozen Margarita - Sweet and creamy funnel cake batter is deliciously coupled with margarita ingredients. Fried, dusted with a tangy lemon/lime mixture and lightly spritzed with south of the border flavor, it’s served in a salt rimmed glass. 21 and over, ID required.

Fernie’s Fried Club Salad – Super colossal 12” spinach wrap surrounds generous layers of juicy diced ham & chicken, shredded iceberg, crunchy carrot strips, ripe cherry tomatoes, shredded sharp cheddar and hickory smoked bacon. Deep fried until lightly crispy; topped with deep-fried sour dough croutons on a stick and served on a bed of shredded romaine lettuce. Choice of creamy Ranch, Thousand Island, or Caesar dressing.

Fried Beer - Beer-filled pretzel pocket is deep-fried to a golden brown. One bite and the escaping beer serves as a dipping sauce. 21 and over, ID required.

Fried Chocolate – A white chocolate mini candy bar + a cherry are stuffed into a mouth-watering brownie, dipped into delicious chocolate cake batter and deep fried to perfection. The finished product has a warm just-out-of-the-oven taste! Topped with powdered sugar and a rich cherry sauce and served with chocolate flavored whip cream.

Fried Lemonade – Lemon flavored pastry is made from Country Time® lemonade. First baked, then fried, this taste tempting treat is glazed with a mix of lemonade, powdered sugar, and lemon zest.

Texas Fried Caviar – Texas version of a southern good luck staple. Black-eyed peas are fried and laced with special spices blended with Old Bay® Seasoning and are available in regular or spicy. Find them in Cotton Bowl Plaza (next to Cotton Bowl steps), inside the Auto Building, near Big Tex, and on the Thrillway.

Texas Fried Frito Pie – A generous portion of savory Texas born chili accented with a hint of sharp cheddar encased in everybody’s favorite corn chip. Lightly battered and fried to a golden brown perfection. With its smooth medley of hot, meaty, crunchy, salty, cheesy, oozing goodness, “Texas Fried Frito Pie” transports you back to the golden age of Fair Food.

I want what he’s been drinking

 

 

Passed out at a Ray’s Game

 

You know it’s bad when you pass out at a baseball game, but even worse when you get owned by the mascot before security takes you away.

Finally, Science prevails

Mystery of 'beer goggles' cracked

2010-08-18 13:30:00

Scientists have finally solved the mystery of 'beer goggles' - a phenomenon where less attractive people suddenly become more appealing when the onlooker has tipped back a pint or two.

According to researchers who tested the idea on both sober and inebriated college students in England, alcohol dulls people's ability to recognize cockeyed, asymmetrical faces, reports Discovery News.

To find out if alcohol interfered with the ability to distinguish faces where the left and right sides were uneven, Lewis Halsey of Roehampton University in London and his colleagues designed an experiment involving images of faces that were tinkered with to make them perfectly symmetrical or subtly asymmetrical.

This included students taking a quick breathalyzer test to confirm their alcohol consumption. The students were classified as either sober or intoxicated, then examined the images.

Twenty images of a pair of faces - one symmetrical, the other asymmetrical - and then 20 images of a single face were shown, one at a time, to 64 students. Participants were asked to state which face of each of the pairs was most attractive. They also had to determine whether each of the single faces displayed was symmetrical.

 

http://sify.com/news/mystery-of-beer-goggles-cracked-news-international-kisn4ebgdji.html

The researchers found that sober students had a greater preference for symmetrical faces than did the intoxicated students. And it turned out that the sober students were better at detecting whether a face was symmetrical.

What's more, the data suggest that men were less prone to losing their symmetry-detecting ability when intoxicated than women, which was unexpected, Halsey said.

The difference probably has something to do with the tendency for men to be more visually oriented and more stimulated by what they see, he said.

The results of the study were published in a recent issue of the journal Alcohol. (ANI)

The Official TELESCOPE of S&B

If you got a few minutes, you should check out THIS Website.

At the TRAnsiting Planets and PlanetesImals Small Telescope, they search for planets outside of our solar system and the study of comets.

Why is this the official Telescope of Smokes and Booze?  Because they named their group after a beer Trappist.  No, seriously, they did…..click HERE.

 

Cigarette Magic

Booze in the News

A few stories in the news this week that I thought I would touch on real quick.

What is going on in Pennsylvania? Maybe Chris C. can shed some light on this, but I really don’t get it.

First we have Troopers raid popular bars for unlicensed beers, where Excise Police raid a series of Pubs (Owned by the same people) and confiscate $7200 worth of stock.  Beer that had been legally purchased from licensed Pennsylvania distributors and had paid all the necessary taxes.  What was the crime?  The brewers and/or importers failed to register the proper names of the brews with the State and pay a $75 fee.  I’ll let you read the rest of the story yourself, but needless to say…I would be up in arms over the lack of respect for property rights (the beer will probably go off by the time this is settled) and failure to face their accuser.  Thanks for submitting Rex.

In the next story, we have Distributors responding to a proposal to allow grocery and convenience stores to sell beer in in PA.  The use fear tactics such as loss of jobs, going out of business, more underage drinking and finally more problem drinking because beer will be more readily available.  Seriously, WTF.  Other states have allowed this to happen, and we are not drunken underage slobs who are on welfare (well….not ALL).  This is just another case of politicians trying to maintain their stranglehold. 

Again, what is up with PA?

Also today, we have news that Glenmorangie launched a new website for their brand Ardbeg Rollercoaster.  I haven’t seen it here locally, and again the US Government tries to prevent us from buying liquor via the internet (particularly from other countries), so it might be some time before we get a review of this one.  What is particularly interesting on this one…..they increased sales by £500,000 in  a week.  This is huge for the Scotch market and a great marketing decision on behalf of Glenmorangie……vs this one by Thee Olives.

Finally, we have something a little different.  A man built a home from trash and a million beer bottles.  Vid below.

Hollywood Amateurs

 

I bet you never would have thought you would see the names Madonna and Shia Labeouf on my blog.

To be honest, neither did I (especially after Crystal Skull).

Yet, today we have some news stories from the Oscars that show how Amateur these two are at drinking.

First we have THIS story about Madonna.  Apparently she attended a swank pre-Oscar Party hosted by Elton John. 

Of course when she get’s there, she starts screaming because she cannot have a drink made with her favorite vodka, Belvedere.

Did I fail to mention that the party was sponsored by Grey Goose?

Holy crap.  If someone invited me to a party that  had a booze sponsor and was FREE…..the last thing I would do is cry because my favorite mixer wasn’t available.

I’m sure Belvedere is happy though about the publicity.  I’d wager that Madonna gets several cases free for this little tryst.  Hell, they might include her in the adds……she airbrushes well.

 

The next story pertains to our Hollywood Goldenboy Shia Labeouf.  We all know what a horrible actor he is (See Crystal Skull or the Transformers movies), but I never knew he was a boozer as well.

It seems that Oscar-nominated actress Carey Mulligan is dating Shia and had warned him about drinking at the Oscars, saying he needed to be on his best behavior.

Well, if it’s on my blog….you know where this goes.

I guess when you sneak a bottle of whisky into the event and drink alone in a corner, some people don’t see that as best behavior.  Myself, I call him an Amateur because he could have been livening it up, socializing and really making a name for himself….Hollywood needs another Dean Martin or WC Fields. 

Hopefully he learned a lesson from this, if you are at a party….nobody likes a Debi Downer.  Who knows, at the rate Hollywood is going, he could have gotten drunk, destroyed the bar and then been cast as a young Tony Stark in Ironman 6. 

He started off well with an earlier interview, where he said

“I had to give up scotch, because it turns me into a werewolf - and cigarettes too.”

Now dude, if you are going to make claims you are a werewolf….you gotta back that up, not sit alone and drink in a corner.

Amateurs.

Got a hangover? Don’t try this

Last night, I caught about 40 minutes of El Dorado on TV.

I love this movie for so many reasons.

First, it has John Wayne.  That in it’s own right is enough to cause me to watch it 7 days a week.  However, in this one….his acting is pretty good.

It was the first movie my family owned on BETAMAX (remember those?).  My brother brought home a Beta VCR from Korea, and the first movie we watched was El Dorado (we also had MASH, Beastmaster and Caddyshack in that first run of movies).  So there is a bit of nostalgia.

Last, but not least…….Johnny Diamond’s Sober-up Elixir.

For those of you unfamiliar with the movie, Robert Mitchum (Sherriff JP) is a drunk.  Not just your average drunk….but a falling down, full on DTs Drunk.  But he’s also a good guy and friend to John Wayne (Cole Thorton).  So, when JW shows up…..he decides he needs a quick pick-me-up for his buddy.

Enter James Caan (Mississippi).  I won’t go into to much of his back-story…..for those of you who have seen the movie, you know…and for those who haven’t…..enjoy.   But I will go into the recipe that his mentor Johnny Diamond taught him:

MISSISSIPPI- Johnny Diamond had a recipe. Let’s see. Cayenne pepper, mustard <the hot kind>, ipecac, asafoetida, and oil of cloves… or was it? No, it was croton oil.
BULL- Croton oil?! I’ll be a suck-egg mule. You know what that mixture will do to a feller?
MISSISSIPPI: Guaranteed kill or cure.

The last ingredient added was gunpowder.

This made me wonder, what were those ingredients and how did they all play into sobering up JP?  Of course, this could just be Hollywood (we all know how they make things up), but I thought better of John Wayne wanting to be accurate. 

So, let’s analyze the ingredients:

• Cayenne Pepper- A hot spice of the Nightshade Family
• Mustard- it facilitates digestion by promoting the secretion of gastric juices if used in small quantities as a condiment.  Can be used as an Emetic (vomiting agent)
• Ipecac – Made from dried rhizome and the roots of the ipecacuanha plant.  Substance used to induce vomiting and used in poison treatment.
• Asafoetida- Native to Persia, reduces the growth of microflora in the gut, reducing flatulence.
• Croton Oil- Oil from India and Laya Archipelago.  Small Doses taken internally cause Diarrhea.
• Gun Powder – The hardest to figure out.  My guess is it being used as another Emetic, however…there is a history of Gunpowder being used in medicine, in some cases for sterilization. 

So, in retrospect…..maybe Ol’ Johnny Diamond was on to something. 

I can’t imagine a situation where I would want to mix all those ingredients together and drink it.  In fact, it even sounds worse than the Corned Beef and Cabbage Tom Collins drink Randy posted on FB.

The whole thing SEEMS sound…..and I guess if you are in a pinch, you would do almost anything….just don’t give it to me ;)

Is it a Vodka or a Sex Act?

*****Warning, this one could be considered sexually Graphic*****

I want to get into marketing.  It seems like the greatest job in the world, almost as good as NASA, where you just sit around and think things up……and believe me, I HAVE Ideas.  However, nothing as good as the Einsteins at 3-Olives.

Thee Olives Vodka is an ENGLISH (I know, I struggle with that as well) Vodka that began production in 1989. Since then, they have expanded into over 17 flavored Vodkas, of which…..I have tried none.

This is going to change with their newest flavor…..RANGTANG.

RANGTANG is a “Delicious blend of outrageously juicy oranges and tangerines”.  I could see it making really good screwdrivers…..especially since the marketing team didn’t do a Google Search to see if the name had any other connotations.

You see, Rangtang has another meaning.  I point you over to Urban Dictionary to read it yourself, so please consider yourself warned…….HERE

Now, you see why Screwdrivers are even funnier.

But it doesn’t stop there……not only did the Marketing staff come up with a doozie name, but their advertising campaign rocks as well…..

When you go the the Thee Olives Vodka website, you are greeted by a woman with bulging eyes and a ball-gag in her mouth…….saying “Open Wide”.  The screen fades to then ask you “What’s your RANGTANG O-FACE?”. 

I can’t make this up.  It’s awesome. 

Click the screencaps below to enlarge.

 

 

Given all these innuendos, I find it hard to believe that those Marketing guys are not just laughing their asses off right now at an inside joke.  I know I would be.  I also know that the first time I see this stuff, I am picking up a bottle and reviewing…….the name is to great.

Man, I can’t wait until someone makes some DVDA Gin.

100th Post….I feel Demotivated

Wow….here I am at my 100th Post. 

I personally think this shows 1000% more commitment than what Debi would have given me credit for.

So, to commemorate this auspicious event, I was looking for motivational posters.  We all know them, those posters that employers put up in hallways and cubicles that are intended to make us all enjoy our job.  Integrity.  Teamwork.  Perseverance. 

Well, if Smokes and Booze were a company, these are the ones you would find on our walls……the last one still gives me creeps.

Thanks for reading and now I am looking forward to the 200th Post.

Cheers.

 

I really really really need one of these….Part 2

When I first saw the add HERE, I thought it was just a tongue in cheek joke…..but apparently it is TRUE.

You too can own a TRAINED DRINKING MONKEY (Smoking Optional).

Meet Ai Ai, a 26 year old chimp from China.

The poor animal is currently being forced into rehab because "The beer and cigarettes were ruining him. He would pester passers-by for booze,"

I say we work out a plan to adopt him and bring him to the US as the official Smokes and Booze mascot.  I know if he were here, he would never have to beg….I would give him smokes and booze every day.

I will have to add this to my wish list from Santa.

You call it a Beer Belly, I call it Body Armor

 

I realize that this does go against Rule Number 1 from Zombieland, but there has to be some give and take…..and now we have an example to use in debate.

A PUB boss cheated death in a knife attack — when his BEER BELLY protected his vital organs.

Doctors told Snaz Martin, 43, he was "almost certainly" saved by his midriff after a boozy customer stabbed him with a three-inch blade.

The tubby landlord, who runs the Britannia Inn in Gillingham, Kent, said: "The doctor said I could have died but my organs were protected by a bit of extra fat.

"I'm not massive by any stretch of the imagination - I only weigh 13 stone.

"But I do have a beer belly and they're saying that's what saved me.

"I couldn't believe it when he said my beer belly saved me - all I could do was laugh.

"I was laid up for three days in hospital - the knife just missed my spleen and other organs."

The married dad-of-two was rushed to hospital after the bloody attack last January.

He threw customer Paul Whibley, 24, out of his boozer after the thug pulled a knife in a row with another customer.

Minutes later Whibley returned with the knife and stabbed Snaz.

Snaz said: "I just got between them and kicked him out of the pub.

"I told him I wasn't going to have knives in my pub and to just get out.

"It was around closing time and so I then started to lock up."

Livid Whibley started to kick down the pub door to get at the landlord.

He said: "He just came at me so I pushed him back out the pub and followed him out.

"He hit me and although I didn't feel anything at first I then noticed the blood pumping out.

"The next thing was the ambulance came and I was on my way to hospital."

Whibley, from nearby Snodland, was given a four year prison term last week after pleading guilty to wounding with intent at Canterbury Crown Court.

The thug — who hid his knife under a coat — was branded a "dangerous offender" and "significant threat" to the public by cops.

Detective Contable Sean Wareham, who led the investigation, said: "Whibley showed a clear intent on causing an injury by carrying a knife.

"We are pleased the judge has recognised that Whibley is a dangerous offender and poses a significant risk to the public."

Read more: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2866921/Beer-belly-saves-knifed-mans-life.html#ixzz0gaeWpiHP

Patriotism and Drinking on a Budget

Hey, the economy is down and you can’t always afford to hit the top shelf liquors every time.

In fact, there are days that you just go out and buy a 6-pack of Stag and let it go at that. 

But what about when you are in the mood for some hard liquor and your wallet is a little light?  Well, I might have the answer.

I had seen FRÏS Vodka several times at my local store out here in the sticks.  I kinda passed over it on my way to the bourbons, especially since Vodka is not my thing and I have to be careful what I pour for Debi, or else she gets headaches from the impurities.

Anyway, for Christmas I had gotten her a Vodka Infuser so she could make her own flavored vodkas (That is her own story and maybe she will write about it someday).  After I had bought it, I spoke with Randy from MySideofthebar and found he does vodka infusions…in fact, he wrote about it HERE. 

If you notice in that blog, you can see a bottle of  FRÏS (and Skull Head as well…which I introduced him to).  When I queried him as to whether it was a quality vodka…he replied it is great.  The wheels were moving for me to try some.

A few weeks later, I am back at my local Moser’s and I see FRÏS on the rack again….and it was only $11 a bottle?  What the hell, I grabbed one, only to find out when I got it home…..it was Grape flavored. 

I know what you are saying….wasted money.  But in reality, it was REALLY REALLY GOOD.  This 40% bombshell tasted exactly like grape KoolAid and could be drank straight or on ice (I preferred it cold).  You don’t even realize you are drinking Vodka.  The company is owned by Absolute, and the name FRÏS (pronounced "freeze") comes from Danish words for "frost" and "Ice". Fris Vodka is the only vodka in the world produced with a patented Freeze Distilled process and this is the reason (according to them ) for it’s smooth velvety taste.  In fact, this vodka is so good…it was Awarded a Gold Medal in the San Francisco World Spirits Competition 2 years in a row, 2000 and 2001.

Overall….A C+/B- : A great every-so-often drink.

Now I needed a mixer.

Again I was back at Moser’s (you have no idea how much time I spend there), when I was drawn to a can with an American Flag paint scheme and the words Ol’ Glory on it.

WHAT???

Ol’Glory claims to be “America’s Energy Drink” and comes in 16oz cans……for ONLY $.99 ea, how bad could this be? Of course, vigilant readers of this blog might recall moving day with TommyG and THIS ENTRY. 

But anyway, the can also has the Pledge of Allegiance and Army National Guard Toll Free Number on it……there is no way I could pass this up.

I was almost giddy going home, wondering how well this would mix with my FRÏS Grape Vodka.

Before I mixed it, I took a taste just to see how it was.  Surprisingly, it was comparable with Red bull….although not as heavy on the Taurine.  It was actually a workable substitute.

Here is the drink -

Red, White and WOW

2oz FRÏS Grape Vodka

4oz Ol’ Glory

Grenadine

Pour the FRÏS and the Ol’ Glory in a shaker with ice and mix well.

Pour into a tall glass over crushed ice and drizzle with grenadine.

Give it a try and let me know your opinions……I’m biased since I invented it :) 

I know after drinking 3 of these……I was singing this song…

 

Finally, all joking aside….Ol’ Glory was a great mixer (IMO) and when I was researching for this post, I found out that a portion of every purchase goes towards Operation Homefront, a great cause.  You can read about that on their website HERE.  For the price, it blows the doors off of Red bull and you get 16oz per can vs the 8.4oz in Red Bull.  When you are drinking on a budget, it’s those little things that really count….and for that, I salute you Ol’ Glory.

Until next time ….Cheers.