Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Moving Day

So, TommyG from over at Days of Booze has finally decided to step up in the world and move from JC to Columbia MO.

I knew I was doomed when I got the Facebook Message “Can I bribe you?”.  I should have just ignored it….especially since I helped him move last time.  But, instead (being the good friend and brother) I said sure.

TG was to pick me up after getting the UHaul, and we agreed it would be at the off ramp here in Ashland (Tommy didnt want to drive the UHaul more than he had to). 

Since I was looking particularly scruffy that day (decked out in days old beard, hunters orange ball cap and my ND Jacket that I have had for 10 years), coupled with TG’s joke about “Rules of the Road”, I decided to get us some MALT LIQUOR to start the day.

How little did I realize what a mistake that was.

The two I chose to kick us off with, SPARKS and Jungle JOOSE.

The SPARKS was particularly attractive in it’s 4-Can, un-environmentally safe plastic ring configuration.  At $4.25 (Gas Station Prices) for 4x16oz of Premium Malt Beveragey Goodness….how could we go wrong?


The Jungle JOOSE had a really cool can, and held promise of 9.9 ABV, taurine, ginseng and “certified colors”…PLUS CAFFINE!?!?!?!  Could this be my coffee replacement?


TG and Rex picked me up at the appointed spot (with me holding a brown paper bag) right on time.  The only thing I want to say about the trip to his house is that one of the “Rules of the Road”….is we don’t talk about the “Rules of the Road”.

Upon surveying what needed to be done, we decide to try the SPARKS and have a drink before we started.

Rex and I each had one, while others there politely declined (“Ewwww…I can smell it from here”).

How did it taste?  I can honestly say it was one of the worst drinks I have ever bought.  Sweet Tarts, Antifreeze and grain alcohol would be a pretty good description.  In fact, if I mixed those together myself, it would probably taste better.

Rex (who I’ve never seen turn down a drink in his life) only drank one (since he started it) and could drink no more.  The mighty Rex had fallen.  In fact, throughout the day, Rex would double over and comment on how shitty the stuff made him feel.

Meanwhile, Tom cracked open the Jungle Joose and took one sip….only to put it down and say “Enough”.  His review can be found HERE.

Since nobody else would drink the SPARKS (or touch the can for that matter), I finished the rest of the 4 Pack (it was paid for and it WAS Booze).  Actually, it got better the more of a buzz I got….but I would never try to choke down another one again. 

I tried the Jungle Joose as well….only to think TG has snuck some CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP GIN, mixed with stale, out of date Red Bull and cat piss into the can without me noticing.   Holy Crap was it awful. 

Needless to say, I went zero for two on my picks….but hey, I was the Homeless Schlep picked up at the onramp….what can you expect.

In the end though…..TG was successfully moved (with me only pissing off D 4 or 5 times)and now he OWES me.  Also, he couldn't resist a little SPARKS once we were loaded up and heading to Columbia, especially once he was behind the wheel or the UHaul. 



I love Camera Phones.

1 comment:

  1. As posted on FB Network Blogs

    DS 8:04 pm
    I stand behind my decision to abstain. That stuff didn't smell like malt liquor, it smelled like what happens after someone with a weak stomach drinks too much malt liquor. I honestly can't believe you're still alive after drinking 3 of those things.


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