Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Facebook and a Funny Story

It seems like every time I add someone on Facebook, it leads to memories involving drinking.

Today I added two friends from my past….who both got DUIs with me being directly involved. I’ll call them Mr. Tree and Mr. Candy to protect the innocent.

Back in the day, I used to travel a lot with my company (ManTech and Raytheon) , often to worldwide garden spots such as Somalia, Goma or Zagreb.

The way most of those trips started would involve me traveling to Vint Hill Farms VA for either training or briefings prior to departure. During that time I would stay in Manassas.

I won’t delve into Mr. Candy’s DUI (because that took place in DC while we were doing Cisco Training), but I do want to relate a two stories of him an I drinking and his driving antics.

The first involves us going drinking one night, Ruby Tuesday’s was our favorite, and Chris dropping me back at the hotel. I get back to my room, hear a car making noise and look out my window to see Mr. Candy driving off with Christmas Lights trailing behind his car. Apparently, in his drunken stupor, he had decided he wanted the ones from the hotel….so he hooked them to the bumper and drove off. It was one of the funniest things I had seen. It was even funnier the next day when his wife made him take them back.

The second story involves a white Grand Am that was my rental car. It was actually pretty cool (for the early 90’s) and we were cruising up “the strip” of Manassas (if I recall correctly, we were heading to Red Hot and Blue) to a bar. Mr. Candy asked if he could drive to check out the car…….and the next thing I know, he is rear-ending a car.

Imagine two guys crapping their pants.

Mr. Candy was able to talk the guy out of calling the cops, saying he would pay for everything himself to keep his insurance rates down (while the guy freaked us out with his FBI ID and saying he didnt know if his mother would be happy with this). So no cops arrived.

But we still had a problem with what to do about my rental. I had an idea.

We went back to the Hotel and called the company Security Manager, Duffy Miller, to come drinking with us. Duffy had visited me in Germany and I knew he loved to drink off my Per Diem.

After Duffy agreed to meet us at the hotel, I backed the car into a space and Chris and I waited for him in the hotel bar.

Duffy arrived and we had a few beers in the bar and decided it was time to jump to the next bar.

Walking out in parking lot, Duffy was parked next to the car (on the opposite side of the damage) and I said “Holy Crap, someone hit the parked car"!”.

Of course, everyone at ManTech believed the story….we had the Security Guy right there to vouch we hadnt been drinking and driving….but later in life, I think Duffy KNEW something was up.

Maybe next time I will go into Mr. Tree’s DUI or Mr. Candy and I drinking yards of beer.

Post your favorite Ed Drunk stories in the comments section below.


  1. There was a benefit several years ago for Batten’s disease; it was a trivia night at an old folks home. The room was packed full of grade schoolers, cub scouts, old people, families, med students…. So Ed decides that it is the perfect time to get shit-faced. During the bible question round he starts screaming obscenities.
    MC: “And according to the bible, which disciple was a Maccabee”
    Ed: “The one who was a donkey raping shit eater”

    Great times.

  2. ROFL.....I had forgotten about that one. Good one Tom.

  3. And for the record....Passed Out Ed Stories do not count.

  4. Well I can not possiby top those stories, however one night I had just fallen asleep and got up to go to the bathroom. About a half hour later my wife noticed I was not back to bed yet (a miracle in itself) and found me wandering around our walk in shower. I could not find my way out :)

  5. I don't even know where to begin.

  6. A pretty tame one I guess, St. Patty's day, Indy, for some reason we were outside the beer tent and you spotted a cop. I remember you running up to her and yelling at her, before I caught up to you and dragged us both back for more beer. I believe I ended up with a black & tan making spoon...

    -- Good Ed

  7. A hooker with a human spinning wheel, a transgendered stripper (female on top, male down below), and getting kicked out to be homeless for 2 weeks.
    That was the first day I met Ed.


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